There was no need to pull the curtains in Donleavy’s Pub. The evenings had drawn in on themselves and the darkness had wrapped around another layer so much earlier than before. It seemed incredible how it had been bright up to 10:30pm only a few short weeks ago and now it was pitch black at 8pm. And the next few weeks would even advance that darkness onset further. Only for the fact that our three amigos were among the most forward looking, optimistic and positive people on the planet – well – they could have felt down in themselves. But no – they were perched contentedly on their habitual barstools – eyeing their settling pints – gently moving from buttock to buttock to establish the perfect equilibrium position – and allowing their minds to open to the next wonderful topic of conversation. You could call it ‘Mindfulness for the Public Drinking Emporium’.
When the settling between the black and the creamy head was now as sharp as a razor blade and the contrasting colours were a feast to the eyes, the three lads – with an almost imperceptible nod of the head – took their first synchronous mouthful of the night. Over years of practise the net result was an equi-volume consumed and a return of three glasses to the beer mats on the counter at the exact same time. The most exacting volume measurement device would have confirmed that the remaining quantity in each glass was equal. An athletics grade stopwatch would have confirmed that there was no time gap between any of the three glasses meeting the bar counter. These three were experts and their expertise had been fine-tuned through hours and hours, years and years of repetition and practise. Truly to be in Donleavy’s Pub was to be in the presence of greatness.
Tonight, the conversation took a while to get going. There had been a second aliquot consumed before Mono opened it up to the floor.
“Piss poor day.”
“Yep.”
“Seemed to just rain between the showers.”
“Yep.”
Sometimes it took a while before the deep and meaningful could envelop, penetrate, and overcome the blindingly mundane. So – they did what they did best – they had another swig of drink. And…. Donleavy was signalled to prepare additional incoming. An empty glass would be catastrophic to the Mindfulness state.
JP did a bit of throat clearing and harumphing before finally introducing his ideas.
“D’ya know what I was thinkin’ of d’other day?”
“Sex?”
“Drugs?”
“Rock and Roll?”
“Women’s undergarments?”
JP looked slowly from left to right engaging his most malevolent expression. Grist to the mill to the two other lads. Let it be said – this was not a sympathetic environment. This was where you graduated from the University of Hard Knocks.
JP began again – slowly and deliberately.
“I was thinkin’ ‘’out all the things that have made us into an advanced society.”
“Feck”, Rasher immediately responded. “I was thinkin’ how quickly me nasal hair had begun to grow”.
Mono was also quick on the response.
“Well, I had time to ponder, and I was tryin’ to figure out how I have so many odd socks. It just isn’t fair, is it? I’m thinkin’ of only buyin’ one type in the future. Hah. That’d stymy the bleedin’ Sock Gremlin. Sock it to im’, eh ?”
This drew smiles and laughs from Rasher and Mono, but JP only had a far distant, vacant look. There was a distraction to proceedings while Donleavy delivered fresh pints onto fresh beer mats. Fervent gratitude was expressed.
“Sound man.”
“Yer the GOAT, Donleavy.”
“Couldn’t be delivered to a better home.”
A period of silence ensued. JP had extra time to clarify his thoughts.
“D’ya know what lads. I don’t think its about automation or A.I. or 4.0 or 5.0 or whatever bleedin’ number they’re up to now. No. I don’t think so.”
He let it lie. It was begging for a response, for an engagement. Mono and Rasher held out in silence for as long as was humanly possible but then Rasher broke ranks.
“Alright. So, wha’ the hell is this bleedin’ advanced society all ‘bout?”
Like an expert angler, JP had sent out the bait, firmly embedded the hook and was now in a position to reel in at whatever pace he wanted.
“Inside toilets.”
Mono looked at Rasher. Rasher looked at Mono.
“Inside toilets?”, they chimed in stereo.
JP rotated the pint glass around the beer mat.
“Yeah. Inside toilets. Can’t ya just see what an incredible leap inside toilets have been to our world.”
Both Rasher and Mono scratched their chins. You couldn’t argue with what JP was saying but, like many times now and before, it wasn’t what they were expecting from JP. Inside toilets – yeah. And Rashed added ‘bathroom showers’ to that. Replacing baths with showers had probably done more for personal hygiene than any other single thing. They had gone from the ritual bath once a week (or maybe even once a month) to having a shower pretty much every day. One small step – one giant leap for the smell of mankind.
JP knew he had them well hooked at this stage. They were waiting expectantly for his next layer of revelation. He luxuriated in this with a couple of visits to the pint glass before ushering forth once more.
“Bottled water.”
Mono looked at Rasher. Rasher looked at Mono.
“Jayzus, yer right JP.”
“Absolutely on the money. I ‘member the first night a guy came on TV and said he was settin’ up a bottled water company. We thought he was stir crazy. I mean this country is full of water. It comes right out of the taps for free. Even then we were drinkin’ from streams and springs. We were never more convinced that some eejit was going to lose all his money on somethin’ that no one would buy.”
“Jayzus, ya got that one right for sure JP.”
“At the start I wouldn’t buy bottled water on principle. I just refused to spend the money. Now it’s a question of flavoured water or no flavour water.”
“True for ya.”
JP had a long list in his head. It was a question for him as to whether he would deluge them all out or drip feed and wait for another future opportunity. There was an intermission where pints were revisited, replacement inventory was secured, and glasses were drained before he went with the next instalment.
He looked around to see that the audience of Rasher and Mono were optimally primed to absorb his next offering. Then he went for it.
“Public Transport.”
Mono looked at Rasher, Rasher looked at Mono.
“Wha? Ya mean buses and trams and trains?”
“I thought ya’d be going for Rockets, Satellites and Space Stations?
“Wha’ the….”
JP let it percolate for a while. Then he began to explain that in his father’s time you could set out for the city and wait for a truck or even a cart to go by. You didn’t know when you arrive, and you didn’t know when you’d get back. It might not even be the same day.
“Jayzus, JP. Yer right. How quickly we forget these things.”
“Yeah. Lucky we have an ol’ codger like you to remind us.”
“Hey – I’ve got another example of an advanced society.”
“Yeah – wha’s tha’”
“The Chipper.”
“Will be go for a one and one?”
“Are there bears in the woods?”
“Give Donleavy the nod there.”
They drained their drinks. Just another night in Donleavy’s.
JP@Donleavy’s 